CHAPTER NINETEEN

THE PREMIERE

JESSE: The premiere party was a special event for DIP. We would gather together all of our friends (and family on Joe's side) to watch our two short features, Laugh A Little and Blood Pudding (with Blood Turd thrown in for good measure) at St. Philip Neri. Each movie would be introduced by the father of the project. Except for Blood Turd, which was cruelly bestowed upon Jeremy to introduce. I was to introduce none of them and that was fine with me. I would gladly sit back and let the original members of DIP do all the hard work.


At least, that's what I figured. As it turned out I had a whole boat-load of work in store for me that day.


THE BLOOD PUDDING PREDICEMENT


My Mother's voice woke me early that morning. Peering out at her from the blankets I was cocooned in I saw her standing over the bed with a phone in her hand and a concerned scowl on her sleep-heavy face. She handed the phone to me with a stern warning: "Your Father says if he calls this early ever again he will personally kill him in his sleep." She started to walk away, stopped halfway and looked back. "And you know he'll do it too."


I said a sleepy hello into the phone, following it with my Father's warning. I heard Darren laugh on the other end as if it was a joke. I assured him that my Father was a man of his word and death loomed on the horizon. I heard Darren clear his throat and say, a bit shakily, "Maybe you should get a private line for your room."


I laughed this off. I didn't want him calling this early in the morning either. I treasure my sleep very much. While Darren has always been an early morning person I was always a night owl. Now me, I don't call people at midnight simply because I'm too full of myself to realize that just because I'm awake it doesn't mean the rest of the world is too. Darren, on the other hand, didn't give two shits. So, my Father's threat was a brilliant play to get me more sleep. I leaned up in bed and asked him what in the name of all fuck he wanted.


Darren went through the plan for the day of the premiere. He and I would go to CIRT at seven to finish adding music and tightening the edits on Blood Pudding. We would then go pick up Joe and Jeremy as well as a TV to play the movies on. And after that it would be off to Marsh to pick up a couple of specially ordered cakes and some drinks. Then it was off to the school to begin preparations for the big day. This sounded like a fine plan except for one thing: "Why the hell am I getting up at seven for?" I whined.


"I need help with all of this. You and I are the only ones allowed to use CIRT's equipment and you know it," Darren shot back.


My thought process was simple and it repeated the same question over and over again: What the hell does he need me for? So I decided to double my bitchiness by telling him he'd do fine by himself and that I was going to hang up the phone and go back to sleep.


Darren grew agitated. "Look, you're a member of DIP and I need your help to finish this. You do want to be a member of DIP, don't you?"


This was the first time Darren threatened to fire me from the group. In the months to come Jeremy and I would both be fired every other day but at the time I felt this to be a legitimate threat (I think the lack of sleep and the impending threat of my Father going to prison for murder had something to do with it as well). I finally gave in but hastily added that he was buying me breakfast.


Darren quickly conceded to breakfast. He told me he would be at my house by 6:45, which in Darren terms meant 7:30ish. I agreed and got out of bed, grabbed my things and began getting ready. As I pulled on my shirt I was struck by a sudden thought: The previous day Darren had borrowed ten bucks from me so how the hell was he going to pay for breakfast?


Around eight o'clock that morning I sat at CIRT with the granola bar Darren had brought with him from home. As I gnawed on this barely edible piece of driftwood I thought that maybe I should've just let my Father kill him and been done with it.


Darren pulled out the tape with Blood Pudding on it and rooted through a collection of music tapes he had borrowed from Jeremy and Joe for the soundtrack. I looked through the selection, noting such classics as Blade Runner, Once Upon A Time In The West, and True Romance. Darren had a list with a few songs Joe had picked out and which tape they could be found on. He gave me Carte Blanche to pick out the rest of the music. I chewed on my granola bar and scowled at him periodically.


I put on the earphones and began searching through the music. Darren went to work on tightening the edits. The first thing we did was watch the footage, which looked as if it had already been edited together in its entirety. I told Darren that it already looked pretty good and we didn't need to touch it. I asked who had edited it and Darren told me that Joe had done the editing from VCR to VCR and all we had to do was tighten everything up, which made no sense to me. Everything we'd been taught about editing had driven this fact home to us.

I was determined to give him my two cents worth, so in the sternest voice I could muster I said, "I want another granola bar, you cheap bastard."


He threw me another bar like a trainer throwing a seal a fish. I unwrapped it and went back to work on the music. While searching through the tapes I would hear an occasional curse from Darren. I'd turn around and watch him tinker with the editing board then watch the footage on the monitor behind him in an attempt to fathom what music I should use for which scene. Darren looked as if he was about to rip his hair out. He kept going back and forth trying to perfect the cut.


After an hour of hearing the Lord's name in vain Earl walked in. He sat down behind Darren and asked him what was going on. Darren explained the task at hand. Earl actually looking interested in something we were doing for once. He watched the footage with Darren all the way through. Earl looked at Darren when it was all done and said, "Why the hell are you editing this, it looks done to me."


Darren told him he was just tightening it up.


"Well, you can't do that with this footage, it's already been edited. You try to edit over an edit and you're only going to fuck it up. I would just leave it alone if I was you. "


Darren's response to this was to simply ignore the man. Earl got the hint and stood up. "Well, I better get going. Oh and Jesse, could you please stop singing 'Sugar, Sugar' at the top of your lungs?"


I took off my headphones and looked sheepishly at him. "Sorry, man. The Archies are the coolest."


Darren looked back at me, confused. "I didn't bring The Archies."


"Who said I was listening to them?" I said before putting the headphones back on and resuming the song.


Now, Darren didn't do a bad job on the edits. He was able to tighten a lot of the scenes. Of course, the only reason these worked was because Joe let the footage in each scene run a tad too long. This gave Darren a chance to edit before Joe's edit. Unfortunately, once or twice he hit Joe's edit, which caused the screen to blur. We didn't know any better at the time. We were young, dumb, and full of granola bars. Darren did the very best he could and I think he delivered more than he missed.


At last the music was ready to be layered in. We went ahead and added everything the boys had chosen as well as a few of my own. By the end of the day we had the soundtrack complete but noticed one scene was lacking music. We were tired by this point and still had a load of chores to complete. So we just threw the first thing we could get hold of over the scene. The scene in question was when Patch and Byron first meet on the stairway to the basement. Lucky for us the music we put in fit perfectly. All we had to do now was add music over the credits.


I asked Darren if he had made the credits yet using the toaster. He said we didn't have time and Joe had made his own using trash bags. The fact that this was only now being brought up puzzled me as I could've been working on the credit sequence while I was doing the soundtrack had I known we needed to. Darren was adamant that we didn't have time now. I knew this as well and grudgingly complied. He said not to worry as Joe wanted us to use the trash bag credits anyway. I said "Whatever" and we quickly put a sonata from Dracula over the credits.

I knew in my heart that Joe would have preferred computer credits but went along with Darren simply to save time. After about ten hours of editing and choosing music we were done. We took the final tape and headed to Jeremy's place.


JOE: That really ticked me off! Having to make credits that way when Darren had access to computer generated graphics! Oh well!


JEREMY: I was both excited and nervous on the day of the Premiere. Excited because I’d had a hand in the creation of two short features that were going to be played before a group of my peers, and nervous because the girl I had a crush on, Amy Ford, would also be there (Come to think of it, I suppose I was a little excited in that respect as well).

Joe was on good terms with the preacher who ran St. Philip Neri so we were able to secure the place for the party, just so long as it didn't involve booze, drugs, human sacrifice, sex outside of wed-lock...you know, the usual. We had ordered two cakes from the Marsh bakery, one would say Laugh A Little and feature a big smiley face, while the other would say Blood Pudding with droplets of bloody icing splattered across it.


Joe came over early with Jim and we kicked around ideas for the Lamia script as well as a feature length version of Blood Pudding. By the time Dar and Jesse arrived we had exhausted our imaginations in both areas and eagerly sat down to watch the final version of Joe's movie.


JOE: It was fun to see the final edit of my movie. The best part was the music. I never realized how much music actually adds to a movie. I had seen Blood Pudding many times before but never with music. That is what I remember most about the first viewing of the completed movie.


JESSE: Jeremy, Joe, and Jim were very pleased with what Darren and I had done. They did throw out some complaints about the blurred moments in a couple of scenes but Darren sweet-talked his way out of that. Joe was proud and gave Darren a victorious hug. Jeremy and I just looked at each other, each of us dreaming of the day when we would be able to direct our own features (that bastard Jeremy beat me to it. I hope you're happy, ass-munch).


JEREMY: Not really, what I ended up directing was crap-on-a-stick.


JESSE: For a moment, with the future laid out before us like a hooker who had just collected her twenty dollar admission, I felt there was nothing that could stop us so long as we stuck together. We sat there, basking in the moment. Not a word spoken. Jim sat off in his own corner, wondering what was going on. Finally, he cleared his throat and said, "I think the fat kid passed gas. I mean, I can really smell it."


Damn him for ruining our moment, and damn him even more for ratting me out. The four of them ran from the room, unable to stop the tears flowing from their eyes. Sadly, they were not tears of joy but the kind one gets while cutting onions.


Ah, fart humor, once again you've gotten me out of a tricky little story gap.


We went to Marsh to pick up our cakes and some other supplies. I went to the pop aisle and picked up two twenty-four cases of Dr. Pepper. Jim followed me around as we traveled through the store. The first question out of his mouth was as simple as it was practical: "Who the hell are you?"


I was quite amused by this little vagabond. "I'm Jesse," I said. "I shot Laugh A Little and am going to Florida with your brother."


"Oh really, that's very nice to know," he said, disinterested.


Jim then followed me into the chip isle where I picked up some chips and cheese spread. "You sure do cuss a lot, Jesse."


"Fuck you kid. If you don't like it then it's your loss."


We finished our shopping before the boys and stood around in the Marsh video store waiting for them. The bastards were walking around, strutting like peacocks. They mentioned to whoever they knew (and some they didn't) about the big premiere they were having. Jeremy was especially proud and bragged about it to every hot female employee there (and they were in short supply).

JEREMY: Hey, those two girls were special in their own ways.


JESSE: While we waited, Jim and I went through the movie display and discussed which ones we liked and didn't like. We were especially vocal about the video games section. Jim, like his brother, is a whore for games. I was bragging about the games I owned. Jim bragged about how he could kick my ass at any game there. We traded barbs for a few minutes (mine laced with colorful obscenities) until Darren finally walked over and announced that we were ready to pick up the TV.


As he walked away Jim and I agreed that we would demolish Darren at any video game we played. Ah, to be young.


Of course, Jim and I still have the same discussions to this day. I guess we always will.


JEREMY: Jesse gets sentimental about the damndest things.



JOE'S GRANDMA AND THE ICE COOLER



JESSE: Our next stop was Joe's Grandma's house. This would be the first time I met Joe's Grandmother. She was a rather nice old lady who had this uncomfortable way of watching you like a hawk. As she watched us disconnect her TV she said in a quivery voice just short of disbelief, "You boys aren't selling my TV for drug money, are you?"


Joe reassured his Grandmother that we needed it for the premiere. He had told her all about it earlier in the day. Her memory kicked up a few shards of that brief and most likely one-sided conversation, and she nodded in agreement. She then proceeded to tell Joe that she had since changed her mind. There was a show coming on that she wanted to watch. Joe asked her if she could watch it on the television in her bedroom. She was having none of that, So Joe compromised. He, Jeremy, and I brought her television from the upstairs bedroom down to her, set it up, and we were then on our way.


We carried the rather large and awkward TV to the car with Darren trying to lead us. Luckily, we got it there in one piece. The problem now was that the TV took up half of the back seat. Jim, being the smallest one, would have to sit on his brother's lap. Jim didn't like the idea, and Joe wasn't too hot for it either. The rest of us thought it was funny as all get out though. In the end, we settled it the Democratic way. We had a show of hands. Out-voted, Joe and Jim would have to suffer while the rest of us rode in comfort.


In a stroke of luck the school wasn't too far from Joe's Grandmother's house. We made it there in record time and quickly unloaded the stuff into the main room. Joe and I went to work setting up all the equipment. Jeremy tried to help where he could, and Darren stood around watching us. I remember most fondly that we had a good time talking about Kids in the Hall. We all loved the Kids and were cracking each other up reenacting our favorite sketches.


JOE: We tried to hook two TVs together so the movies would play on two screens at once. I don't really remember the reasoning behind this. It may have been because we had two TVs there and we wanted to see if we could do it. The experiment ended in failure. We wept openly for a few minutes until Jeremy slapped the shit out of the both of us.


JEREMY: I always seemed to be slapping somebody in the group.


JESSE: While setting up I noticed two things were missing. We had no ice for the pop and nowhere to keep the ice even if we did have it. I volunteered to walk to the local Village Pantry. I was the logical choice to go because nobody I knew was coming. My friend Dave was working and Mom and Dad decided to have a night to themselves (hell, they deserved it). They all agreed and I was soon on my way.


The Pantry wasn't too far away and the walk there took only twenty minutes. I found a Styrofoam cooler and ice and was back out in minutes. The walk back was a bit more arduous. I was weighed down by three bags of ice. So, a twenty minute jaunt was now doubled to forty. As I crossed the street a small miracle happened. My parents drove up next to me. I was stunned and pleased at the same time. My Dad leaned out the window and told me to get in.


I almost leapt into the van. I asked my parents what they were doing up here. My Mom explained that they'd dropped by my Aunt Belle's and were now on their way to the movies. In what is almost a reflex action for me I asked what movie they were seeing. My Dad told me it was a sneak preview of Forrest Gump.


I was about two seconds away from begging them to take me with them. I had seen a Behind the Scenes for the movie the night before. I really wanted to see this film and here were my parents on their way to see it before me. I was jealous and they knew I would be quizzing them nonstop when I finally got home. They dropped me off and, probably sensing my indecision, quickly sped away.


I came back inside and poured the partially melted ice into the cooler. Jeremy exclaimed that I'd certainly made a quick trip. I told him that my parents had picked me up on their way to see a movie. Jeremy asked which movie and I told him.


Jeremy looked at me like I was an idiot. "If I were you I would've went with them. That movie looks pretty good."


I knew then and there that I could always count on Jeremy to be on the same page as me. That would become an absolute fact on our journey through Florida.



HOW LOVELY TO MEET YOU, ENJOY THE SHOW

We had an eclectic number of guests coming to our show. Let's meet them:

GINNY KEEFE

Darren's ex-girlfriend and inspiration for the character Jennifer Charles. This would be the first time I ever met her. Ginny was a short, skinny girl with blue streaks in her hair. She looked like someone who was trying to be someone they weren't. Darren was uncomfortable for the rest of the night because of her presence.

JOE WOODRUFF & DAVE MATTINGLY

These guys were Joe's friends. I remember they all had fedoras on, Joe included. They all wore the same wardrobe too, which consisted of a suit jacket, a t-shirt, and jeans. They looked like they belonged to some poor man's Groundlings.

JESSICA DEVINE

Joe's sister came with one of the above mentioned. I believe at the time she was dating Joe Woodruff. Another girl was with this bunch but I don't remember her name nor does it matter much.

CICELY CAMPO

Joe invited some young fine thing to the party. I don't remember her name or maybe I just wasn't told it. All I know is Joe hung on her like a fly to flypaper. Joe, why don't you shine your wisdom down on us?

JOE: This would be Cicely Campo. I actually invited two girls to this little shindig. The one that couldn't make it is the one I had the crush on. I’d had a crush on her since Freshman year. Too bad she couldn't make it. Cicely was super nice (she had to be; why else would she come to this little get together?) and very pretty, but we were just friends.

ROSE (LAST NAME UNKNOWN)

Now Rose was a girl who went to Tech and worked with me at O' Malia's. She showed up because she had a crush on Darren. I had a crush on her, she was a beauty. She was of Mexican-American descent. Of course, she showed me no interest and hung on Darren all night.

AMY FORD

Amy was an actress in Blood Pudding. Jeremy hung on her all night. I'll let a better writer tell you all about her. So, get to writing, Riley, and tell us about your lusting for Amy Ford.

JEREMY: I lusted for Amy Ford.

LONG INTRODUCTIONS TO SHORT MOVIES

BLUD TURD

JESSE: Jeremy was the first up to introduce the films. Jim and I laughed at him from the back row (Jim would be my constant companion through the night). Jeremy made sure everyone knew right off the bat that he did not direct this piece of shit. He went on to explain the genesis of Blud Turd, pointing out that this was really the brain child of Joe and Darren. He was taking no credit for anything on this movie, though he did admit there was a fine looking fellow in the piece whose acting reminded him of a young Brando. He was too modest to mention names but proceeded to point at himself. He then started the movie and flicked off the lights. After a few seconds Blud Turd lit up the room.

This was my first time seeing this short feature. I remember I was tickled by its quirkiness. It had no plot and no characters. It was just an excuse for them to do something silly. They succeeded and it was a pretty good short.

JOE: Jeremy insisted on introducing Blud Turd. I remember the night before the premiere he was almost in tears about the issue. It seemed only right. Jesse got to introduce everybody to the snack table so what was left for Jeremy? For his sake, we decided to run the short with Laugh a Little and Blood Pudding. After all, Blud Turd was the result of Darren wanting to shoot us reading our poetry in front of the camera. Jeremy was the one that added the little narrative to it. I was just in the room at the time of the shooting. I was shocked at the amount of clay Darren ingested during this shoot. I think the clay has gone on to affect his brain.

Jeremy proudly introduced Blud Turd as his movie. I remember the big smile on his face as the adoring multitudes hung on his every syllable. It was a great shining moment for Jeremy.

JEREMY: Joe is lying his ass off here, by the way. And for the record, I never put all the blame for Blud Turd on the other boys' shoulders. I simply stated that the movie was a total piece of crap, which it was.

                                     

 

BLOOD PUDDING

JESSE: Joe stopped the tape (all three movies were on the same tape) and then introduced his movie. Joe was quite proud of Blood Pudding. He regaled us with stories of the production and then decided he no longer wanted to be up there. He told everyone to just see for themselves. He started the tape and flicked out the lights.

Now, as far as memory recalls, Joe's feature played the best of all the movies. I'm not saying it was the best but people responded to it the most. Of course, this might be due to the fact that Joe had the most supporters in the room. The crowd really seemed to be affected by it in a weird way. Joe was quite pleased, although I think his mystery girl wasn't too thrilled to be in the same room with him by this point. Eh! Can't win them all.

JOE: Actually, I think Blud Turd played the best.

LAUGH A LITTLE

JESSE: It was Darren's turn to introduce Laugh A Little. Darren was so nervous he looked as if he was about to pass out. He started babbling about the movie in a non-coherent manner, starting sentences and then stopping in the middle to start another. No one knew what the hell he was going on about. After about ten minutes of suffering (well, it felt like ten minutes anyway) he just gave up and told everyone to enjoy the movie.

By this point I had seen the movie like a million times. Any humor, dramatic tension, or amazing camera-work no longer had an effect on me. The only thing that could bring that original enthusiasm back was to watch it with an audience, to see how they reacted to it. No one made a sound during the viewing, leading me to believe for a moment that everyone in the room had died. When the lights came on I was shocked to see everyone still breathing. I looked around and noticed Darren was gone. I was sure he was torn apart by the total non-reaction to his movie. This was one hell of a way to start a party.

I LIKE TO BOOGIE, I LIKE TO GET DOWN

While our guests tore into the cake and cases of pop I went in search of Darren. I found him in the nearby kitchen staring out a window. He turned around and saw me standing there. He had a look on his face as if someone had just killed his puppy. I told him who cared if nobody liked the movie. Fuck 'em.

Darren looked at me as if that was the last thing on his mind. "Ginny's here," he said. "What's she doing here?"

"What do you mean? You invited her...didn't you?"

"Well, of course I did, but I didn't think she would come. Seeing her again brings back all the emotions I had for her," he nearly balled. "If that's not bad enough, she brings her lover with her."

Lover? I thought. You mean her and the other girl...

I couldn't resist being a smart ass. "Well, Darren, if you're a real man you'd try to score a threesome."

Darren smiled, patted me on the shoulder and went to charm his guests. I saw Jim standing in the doorway, a puzzled expression on his face. "Um, Joe sent me to get more paper plates," he said.

"Sure, kid."

"What's a threesome?"

I smiled. "You have cable right? Well, stay up late and watch Cinemax."

"I can't. Joe's in there at night with the volume turned all the way down."

"Well, he'll be in Florida soon and then you'll see. Hell, it's a damn rite of manhood staying up late and watching Cinemax. Your brother does it, I do it, and, damn it, son, the President of the United States does it."

Back in the main room Joe was cornered by Ginny Keefe. He had a look of pure disgust on his face. I could tell that if Joe had an arch-nemesis it was this girl. She seemed to be going on about nothing at all. I could tell by listening to her talk she was a pretentious ass. I walked over and told Joe I needed to talk to him. As we made our escape I told him I was just trying to save him from Lady Death over there. He thanked me and went over to hang with his friends.

JOE: It's true. Ginny and I did not get along.

JESSE: He stuck with them the rest of the night. Darren stuck with Ginny and Rose. Jeremy was with Amy. And me, well, Jim and I spent the night hanging out. After about twenty minutes we had only one thing to say about the party: it was a total and utter bore.

Now, I won't lie. We had nothing planned but the movies. Afterwards, people were supposed to enjoy cake and conversation. My idea of a party is radically different. I was picturing a party like the one in Teen Wolf or maybe Animal House. Our party had nothing like that, just people all wanting to go home but too polite to make an early exit. Jim and I tried to liven things up with a little limboing. Jim ran and got a broomstick and we tried to convince the others to join in. Jeremy had the only good excuse for not participating: "Limboing will muss up my hair."

So the party went more and more south. Finally, I told Jim that I saw a fireworks store on the corner and I was going to buy some fireworks and set them off as a capper to the night. Jim liked the idea and joined me. We picked out some pretty good fireworks and a lighter. I became a little worried though when the cashier took my money and I saw he had only two fingers.

JEREMY: I walked Amy home about a half hour before the party ended. I remember saying good-bye to her, knowing it was for good. I stood there on the street corner as I watched her enter her house, forever disappearing from my life. I thought about what a fine scene it would make in a movie and then returned to St. Philip Neri in time to see it clearing out. Two preachers had shown up to make sure we were minding our ps and qs. I introduced myself to the youngest. He looked at me like I just wiped my nose on his shirt and said, rather coolly, "I didn't ask."

Right there is the reason I will never be part of an organized religion. People seem to be of the opinion that faith equals asshole.

JESSE: The party petered out and the DIP group formed outside to see everybody off. Jim and I started lighting fireworks in celebration. We all stood there and watched the explosions while dreams of future celebrations danced in our minds. We only had one more thing to do in Indiana and that was a little half-hour movie by Jeremy called Wastelands. After that, it was Florida or bust.


We could feel the weight of the trip on our collective shoulders, but also the exhilaration of the adventures yet to come. The party was over and our lives had begun.

NEXT: WASTELANDS

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

LAMIA

JOE: Lamia was to be our vampire epic. I don’t remember who came up with it, Jeremy or me or maybe we're both equally guilty. Anyway, we decided to write a short vampire movie to shoot before we went to Florida. We weren’t sure what the heck it was going to be about other than it would revolve around two vampires that were bitter enemies. Jeremy named the characters Tauin and Deucalion. Deucalion loved being a vampire. Tauin did not. Tauin was actively searching for a cure to his affliction. He enlisted the aid of a strange doctor, so named Polidori. Can you guess why we named him that? Because Polidori wrote the first vampire story! Ta da!

Okay, Polidori was an evil bastard who pretended to help Tauin find a cure when in actuality what he wanted was to discover the means of harnessing the vampire's powers in his secret laboratory. He was developing a serum with the blood of Tauin and other vampires as the main ingredient. He intended to use the serum on himself in order to transform into some sort of super being. There ya go, short plot rundown such as it was originally intended.

JEREMY: Ah yes, Lamia. Sometime between Laugh A Little and Blood Pudding Joe and I started toying around with the idea of doing another horror movie. I had seen some footage of an unfinished vampire movie Joe and Dar had worked on before I met them and thought it had potential. I asked Joe why he hadn’t finished it and he said that they didn’t know where to go with the story. My first thought was that he and I should come up with a premise and work it around the material already shot. Joe one-upped me and suggested that we scrap the original footage as he didn’t think it was all that good and do something new.

Joe came up with the title Lamia, explaining that it referred to a female vampire. I thought it sounded both exotic and creepy and was all for it. The next step was to name our antagonist and protagonist. I remembered the name of a vampire-like character my cousin, Chris Nicholson, had created a couple years earlier named Tauin Bright and, dropping the last name, decided to use that for our hero.

The Deucalion handle originated from my having read The Odyssey in high school. Out of all the names mentioned in that epic poem that particular one stood out for some reason and I never forgot it. I intended to use it for one of my comic book characters down the road but decided it would make a cool name for a badass vampire instead (Ironically, Tauin Bright did make an appearance in comic book form in the last few issues of my Decade series).

The plot would revolve around Tauin, who longed to be rid of the vampire curse. He made an unholy alliance with the mad doctor, Polidori, who assured him that through modern science it was possible to find a means of curing him. To this end he talked Tauin into hunting down and either capturing or killing other vampires for experimentation. The vampire community didn’t take well to one of their own preying on them and Deucalion, an old rival of Tauin’s, brought together a gaggle of vampires to aid him in tracking down and destroying the rogue vampire.

This allowed for me to write several high-energy action sequences, which have always been a staple of my writing. Some worked, like a scene near the beginning with a scuffle between Tauin and another vampire under a bridge in the pouring rain; others didn’t, like when Deucalion and the other vampires corner Tauin in a restaurant and during the ensuing battle Tauin stabs one of the vampires in the heart with—get this—a shish kabob.

I believe it was at this point that Joe and I began to rethink the nature of what we were creating here.

Vampires living in packs, trading blows with each other, and searching for cures are pretty much part of the norm nowadays, what with Blade, Underworld, et al, but in 1994 this concept was still pretty underused. Joe and I felt like we were treading on new ground with our idea of a vampire action film. The problem was that our vision of it was steering dangerously close to satire.

And where was the titular character in all of this, the female vampire, Lamia? As far as I can recall we either forgot about adding a female character in the midst of all of the battles and kabob-stabbings or, being relatively geeky and lonely guys in those days, just didn’t know any girls who wanted to act in it. We attempted to rectify this oversight in a later draft by having a woman named Rebecca Kane become infected by a vampire at the beginning of the movie (the same vampire Tauin fights under the bridge). Tauin works to find a cure for her as well as himself while Deucalion attempts to seduce her into backstabbing her potential savior, thus creating a sort of bizarre love triangle.

JOE: If memory serves, Jeremy was to direct this movie as well as play Deucalion while I was to play Tauin. Seeing as how we wanted Lamia to be a homage to all sorts of vampire literature and films Jesse was to play a character named Gorff, a weird little Reinfield-type character who assisted Polidori. I really don’t remember if Darren was going to be in it or not. Unless he was to play Tauin and I was to work on cinematography. Oh well, doesn’t matter now.

JEREMY: Actually, I was to play Tauin and Joe Deucalion. I always thought Joe could pull off a pretty nasty villain, and by this point I had already played villains in both Joe and Dar’s movies and was looking to expand my horizons. We wanted Dar to play the role of Polidori as we felt that with his kinky bird’s nest of hair, hawkish nose and comic nature he would make the idea mad doctor. Jesse playing the deformed, simpleminded Gorff was a no-brainer. I mean, if we had a movie poster with all of the principle actors on it and asked someone to point out which character was Gorff the odds were good that they would point to Jesse.

JOE: Jeremy and I did quite a bit on the development end of Lamia. He did a lot of concept art, some of which is shown here. We had costumes and locations as well as storyboards and actors at the standby. And even though we didn’t have a camera we were serious about making this movie before we went to Florida. Then it happened. While Jeremy and I were trying to iron out the ending of the script it dawned on us that Lamia as it currently stood just wasn’t very good.

After some serious consideration we decided not to make it. Time was growing short in Indiana and the script just wasn’t as good as we knew it could be. One problem may have been that we were using a role-playing game for a source of ideas instead of just using old vampire lore. What role-playing game you might ask? Vampire: The Masquerade , that’s what. Silly, I know. That’s why Jeremy and I decided to put Lamia away for a while.

JEREMY: I believe this was a wise decision on our part, though I was crestfallen that I would not be able to direct the film. I was itching to try out my directorial talents at this point in my life.

JOE: So we shelved Lamia for the time being, though we still kick the concept around from time to time.

So there you have it, the tale of Lamia that never was.

NEXT: THE PREMIERE

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

THE MOVIE OFFER

JESSE: The newspaper article brought us a lot of attention. Now 90% of this attention was from family and friends and really didn't count (and not one chick wanted to have sex with me for being famous for a day; what a gyp!!!). Although we did get an offer that managed to intrigue us at the same time that it made us apprehensive.


I was hanging out with my sister one day while she was working at Hooks Drugstore (damn, I was cool). I was sitting on the counter, watching her tear covers off of books. I was quite disgusted by this action because, as you know, when a book is taken off the shelves the retailer is required to rip off the cover to prevent it from being sold. The books are then dumped in the trash bin. I was there to sneak into said trash bin and grab a few books I wouldn't mind reading, though my sister thought I was there to help her do some inventory (sorry Sis). I was bored by the whole book-butchering ritual so I decided to give Darren a call.


Darren answered the phone with his usual stone-like demeanor. We then had a long conversation about nothing in particular, at the end of which, just as I'm about to say goodbye, Darren decides to mention an important phone call he received earlier in the day. This is and always has been Darren's M.O. He will start talking about something trivial, like how his potato chips look like celebrities or something, going into great detail as if you are as interested in the subject as he is. Then, at the end of the conversation, he'll say something along the lines of, "Oh, by the way, I lost my left foot in a horrible accident", like it was an afterthought and not really worth mentioning.


Okay, now back to the phone call.


Dar mentioned that Shari Finnell had called him (at this point I was praying to God that this attractive African American woman hadn't bought into his charms and wanted to go out with him.). Apparantly she'd received a phone call from a local film producer who told her he would like to contact us with the possible offer of a business deal. Shari took his number and called Darren.


I asked if Darren had called the gentleman in question. Darren said yes and that a weird conversation had ensued. I asked him what he meant by 'weird'. Darren said that the guy had been very aggressive (he is a fucking producer, of course he was aggressive). He also mentioned that the gentleman wouldn't be distributing the movie in America. The movie would be made for the Japanese and the Asian market. He told Darren that he had already produced a movie in Indiana called Pushed Too Far. He told Darren to discuss the proposition with the rest of us and then call him back to set up a meeting.


Naturally, I was thrilled to hear this. Someone with a track record wanted to do business with us. This was like a dream come true. I say 'almost' because I have a problem with people just coming out of the blue and handing me something on a silver platter. I instantly grew suspicious. I asked Darren to give me the gentleman's number. Darren wanted to know why. The answer was simple, I wanted to talk to this man and get a feel for him myself.

JACK ROONEY

I had a very good reason for doing this, and that reason was Darren.

Darren is, in a lot of ways, like Forrest Gump (no, not retarded, I'm saying this with affection). He just has this natural ability to become instant friends with people. He could walk into a bar full of bikers and exit a short time later with four new buddies. I don't know why this is but I have a few ideas.

For one, Darren talks to you in a questioning tone ("What do you think of the state of the world today? What would you do if a giant spider appeared right now? Are you going to eat your pickle?"). It makes you feel like you have to take care of him, as if you're the mentor and he your eager young student. Secondly, he is the most out-going son of a bitch in the world. If all of humanity were to die Darren would simply talk to the trees and be perfectly happy. The man has charm, I'll give him that. This charm, though, can sometimes lead him to bad people.


So, Darren gave me the number and I in turn gave this producer a call.


"Hello," a deep, rich voice said after four or five rings.


"Hi,” I said. "My name is Jesse Handlon and you talked to one of my associates in DIP Entertainment earlier." Associate hell, Darren always thought of Jeremy and me as his employees while we were a part of DIP.


"Jesse...oh, you're the fat guy in the picture."


Alright, a quick pause. I hate it when people describe me as the fat one. I had many other things going on in that picture. I had a crazy shirt on, my hair was combed, and I was the only one wearing sunglasses. However, this asshole decides to pick out my weight problem as a means of identification. I wanted to scream “fuck you” but was able to maintain my composure for the group's sake.


"Well, I do like to eat, can't lie about that," I politely responded.


"What can I do for you, Jesse?" He said, sounding bored.


"I was just calling to find out a little more about you, Mr. Rooney."


"Why, don't you trust me?" he angrily blurted out.


This was about the time I started to worry. The film business is famous for people fucking people over. Anyone worth their salt is going to do some research on the other person. This guy going on the defensive thirty seconds into the conversation wasn't a good sign.


"I can't say that I do or don't," I said. "After all, we just started talking. I just find its good business to get to know the other person before plunging head long into anything we might both come to regret later. You don't mind a few questions do you?"


There was a pause on the line. I waited for him to answer or hang up. Then, at last, "I guess I don't mind." You could hear the sarcasm in his voice.


"I was wondering what kind of movies you've made here in Indiana," I said.


With a hint of bitterness he said, "You ever heard of Herb Johnson?"

I had. Herb Johnson was semi-famous around the Midwest for starting one of the very first karate schools in Indianapolis. I also knew he’d starred in a movie called Pushed Too Far. The movie was made around 1988 and also starred Claude Atkins (Sheriff Lobo). I also knew of Herb because Dave Patrick was a student at one of his studios. Dave told me that he was a total dick. I told Rooney that I had heard of him (omitting the dick reference) and also mentioned the movie Pushed Too Far.


"Yeah, well I directed and produced it," he said, "do you trust me now?"


I gave him a bewildered look and then remembered I was on the phone. So I decided to ask some more questions pertaining to this new movie he was looking to make, like if it was going to a major distributor or what?

Rooney then went on a long tangent about Japan. You see, Japan buys everything that's American and American movies are no exception. His plan was to sell the movie to Japan for theatrical release and then work something out for the video market here. With the profits he would earn off this he would then make another movie.


I listened with interest and then asked what our roles on the production side of the film would be.

Rooney grew quiet for a moment and then said, "Maybe we should talk about all of this at the meeting."


The point was finally driven home. Rooney didn't want to talk to some dumb kid anymore. I politely said my goodbyes and hung up. I knew what we would be doing on the film, I just wanted to hear him say it. I could almost hear Rooney's voice now, directing us on the set: “Jesse, fix those lights; Joe, get me some coffee; Jeremy, find my actor; Darren, daddy needs some lovin'.”

We would be nothing more than gophers. This wasn't necessarily a problem, but the way Rooney was selling Darren on the idea he had him believing this would be our movie. This wasn't the feeling I got from my short conversation with him.


I called Darren back and told him what Rooney and I had discussed. He asked me to hold on the line and the next thing I knew Joe was on the line too. We discussed the situation, all of us feeling uneasy about it. I suggested we go through with the meeting; that it wasn't like we would be forced at gun-point to sign anything. I also said we should have an adult we trusted with us during it. I felt that no matter what happened it would be a good experience for us.


The meeting never happened. The reason why is up in the air. I was told that everyone was just too suspicious of this guy. He seemed to be misleading us and that was a problem. Then I heard that Darren could only borrow the car once a week. He had a choice between taking the car for a meeting or taking the car out on a date. Darren chose to get laid. Here's my problem with that excuse though: My Dad had a van and would have gladly driven us to the meeting had we asked him. Hell, he would have sat in with us as the adult at the meeting. We should have never given Darren that much control over our destinies.


Do I regret not going to the meeting? You bet your sweet ass I do. Even if it had been a bust we would've at least known what to expect for future encounters with producers. Not only that, this guy could have been on the level. He could have set us up with our first movie or provided an opportunity to work with someone else in the industry. You never know unless you try. But the only way to die without regret is to never have been born in the first place. So, I'd rather have the regret.


JEREMY: Joe was hanging out at my place when Dar stopped by and told us about his phone conversation with Jack Rooney. He said the guy had chewed him out, telling him he didn't know anything about the industry and that he better get his shit together if he wanted to succeed as a filmmaker. This put me on the defensive. Of course we were ignorant of the movie industry, I was the oldest member in the group at twenty and we had all spent our lives in bum-fuck Indiana. We were still in the process of going to Florida for the sole purpose of educating ourselves on the industry. Who the fuck was this guy to talk to one of us like that? As if he was some big shot Hollywood producer or something.


Dar, Joe and I immediately formed a plan in which Dar would call Rooney back and discuss the business proposal while Joe and I listened on separate lines. That way we could ambush him if he started to get out of line. So Dar called the guy back and began talking about the movie deal he'd supposedly offered us. I saw right away what the problem was. Dar was too damn tense, fumbling words and making himself out to be meek. Even at my young age I knew that producers were wolves and would go for the throat at the first sign of weakness.

Sure enough, one minute into the conversation Rooney said something along the lines of, "You really have no idea what you're doing, do you?"


"More than you know, bub," I said. There was silence on the other end, which I hoped was surprise and/or confusion (either that or the guy was repressing a yawn; hard to gage a person's reaction when you can't see them). "We're good. Real good."


I was putting on an act of confidence because it was what the guy wanted to hear. Sure, we were inexperienced; he was well aware of that, but faith in your abilities could go a long way. The guy was testing us, no doubt about it. It's a producer's job to be on the lookout for up and coming talent. All we had to do was play our cards close to our vests, show him that we were stand up guys with a passion for the film industry, and he would be sold.


"I'm sure you are," Rooney said, "you were in the newspaper, after all."


The ice was pretty much broken after that. We talked about movies in general and his 1986 Claude Akins vehicle, Pushed Too Far, in particular. He asked what our plans were for the industry. I don't know why, but I was picking up a bad vibe from this guy. There was something smarmy about him. It wasn't necessarily in the way he talked, but something else...something instinctual. I didn't trust him. Of course, I reasoned with myself that he was a producer and by the very nature of who they are and what they do they aren't to be trusted, but it seemed to go deeper than that. Eventually, we agreed to hold a meeting in person at a later date, said our goodbyes, and hung up.


I discussed my ill-feelings with Dar and Joe and they likewise expressed similar concerns. Still, we reasoned that if this deal turned out to be on the level it could be our ticket into the business. The only problem was that if we took Rooney up on his offer Florida would be out of the question. We would have to remain in Indiana for another year or more. It was a gamble with the mysterious producer who may or may not be on the level, working as grips for a movie we had no love for, as opposed to moving to Florida, acquiring an education, and making contacts through the school. It was a tough choice, and I was leaning more towards Florida for the single reason that it was an adventure, plain and simple.


It was Dar who eventually solved the dilemma for us. Since he was the only member of our group with a driver's license at the time we relied on him for transportation when we needed to go somewhere outside of the bus route. Well, Dar called us up the night before the meeting and told us that his mother had given him an option: he could either use her car to take us to see Rooney or he could use it for a date with, Ginny, whom he had an on-again/off-again relationship with at the time.

Dar had thought long and hard on this and had chosen the latter. In a way I was relieved that the decision had been taken out of my hands. But it isn’t fair for me to use Dar as a scapegoat.  If we had wanted to go to the meeting bad enough we would’ve found a way. I think that the whole Rooney thing was just too big for us at the time. We weren’t prepared yet on an emotional level to commit to an actual movie.  I know I was rather immature at the time and often looked to the others to make our group's decisions because I didn't think I was smart enough to do it myself.

Jesse says that his father would have taken us and, having gotten to know the man shortly before he passed away, I have no doubts that he would've done just that, but I wish Jesse had let one of us know in advance. Perhaps he too was having his doubts. I wish I had been a little more vocal around the guys in those days, but they were the first friends I'd ever had and I was afraid to speak my mind a lot of the time for fear of losing them. Hell, I don't know what I was worried about, these days I can't seem to shake them for a minute of peace.

All said though, we should have gone to the meeting. They say opportunity knocks only once, maybe that was it for us. But then, I'm a firm believer that one shapes his own destiny, so while I still have a breath of life in me I will hold on to my dreams.


JESSE: I too should have been more vocal about this. I was concerned over the matter but wanted to do it. I get the feeling nowadays that Jeremy and I are the only ones to regret the decision (I don't know about the others, they never mention it). I don't believe this was our only chance, though; especially since Jack's other movies haven't really been big hits. Besides, had we done it we would never have gone to Florida. You'll see our names yet in lights, I know it.


JOE: I wanted to go to the meeting with Rooney as well. I talked to my parents about it and they thought I should concentrate on Florida and going to school. I wasn't that bothered when the meeting didn't happen. I do wonder what could have come of it. Maybe if we had stayed in contact with him through school we could have worked with him later down the line. Who knows?


What if? What if? Onwards and upwards!


NEXT: LAMIA

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

MAKING NEWS

JESSE: The genesis of this interview began with Darren and Mike Wallace. Wallace had started an independent magazine called Apathetic Zealot. Shari Finnell, who was a reporter with the Indianapolis Star, had somehow gotten wind of the magizine. She called him and set up an interview for a new section of the paper called YEP. So, Mike invited Darren and me to join him and his cronies for the interview process.

When we arrived for the interview in one of the school's conference rooms I made myself useful by eating the donuts offered by the paper’s staff. Everyone else just sat around, nervous, unable to eat. I had nothing to be nervous about as I really didn't do anything for the magazine. I just helped them staple the paper together and hand them out. So this was all a free ride for me and I got the most out of it.


Shari Fennell finally came into the room and asked if we were being well taken care of. Darren and the others were acting really shy. I held up my donut and said, "You journalist type sure know how to treat a guest right, but next time may I suggest pizza instead of donuts?"


Shari laughed at what she perceived to be a joke. Sadly, I was a fat boy and was dead serious. She sat down at the table and pulled out her notebook before asking us to go around the table and state our names and what we did for the paper. They all introduced themselves and when she came to me I said, "My name is Jesse and frankly I do jack shit for the paper. I sometimes hand them out but mostly for toilet paper." They all laughed at what they perceived to be a joke. Sadly, I was serious.


Wisely, Shari ignored me for the rest of the interview (this would become a trend for our group's interviews, even when I had a lot to say). During a break Darren told me he was going to mention DIP to her. I smiled and said "Yeah, we do need some dip, I would like some chips". Darren laughed and walked over to Shari. Dammit, doesn't anyone know when I'm being serious? I wanted some fucking chips.


Darren went into one of his patented acts of salesmanship, telling her all about our group. She listened patiently with a smile on her face. When he finished she said she’d rather do an article about that, alluding to the fact that this whole magazine thing was just a fad anyway. She gave Darren her office number and told him to call her. Darren walked over to me and said, "I think she wants to fuck me." Darren thinks all chicks who say hello to him want to fuck him.


We finished the interview and went into a studio for the photo shoot. I was asked to get into the picture. I told them I was still eating the chips and dip that Shari just got for us. They all laughed and pulled me into the picture (I was starting to hate these people by this point). The photographer snapped some pictures and then sent us on our way.


A week later, Darren called and said our interview was in the bag.



PICTURES AT ST. PHILIP NERI

I had gotten up rather early that morning. I was going to have to walk all the way to St. Philip Neri for a ten o'clock photo session and I didn't want to be late. As you know by now, I was fat, slow, and it was going to be quite a walk over many miles. I had decided to wear my most eye-catching shirt as well as my coolest pair of shades. The way I figured it, this would focus the attention instantly on me and people would say “Hey, that fat fuck, he's cool.”

As I started the long trek through my run-down, crime infested neighborhood a thought struck me: My coolest, most eye catching shirt was made of wool with long sleeves. Having chosen to wear this particular garment turned out not to be such a good idea considering it was a hundred degrees outside. I was sweating my balls off. The heat was unbearable and I had to stop several times to catch my breath and wring out my sweat-drenched shirt.


On my journey I found a friend. A small Dachshund had started following me. I stopped and picked up the dog to look at its name tag. The damn thing began licking the sweat off my face so I put it back down, but it kept following me. I tried to leave it in the dust but I was already at my top speed. After about four or five minutes I stopped and the dog stopped too. He again tried to lick my sweaty face but I shooed him away. A sound caught his attention then. An even fatter bastard than me was tramping along across the street. The dog ran to him and the fat bastard picked him up. The dog began licking him, which the fat guy seemed to enjoy. He walked off with the dog in the folds of his arms, both happy as corn in shit.


I finally arrived at St. Philip Neri, took a seat on the well-shaded steps, and waited for the others to arrive.

JEREMY: I was so excited the night before the interview that I couldn't sleep. When morning came around I threw on the tackiest shirt I could find, a real eye-sore with prehistoric drawings of lizards and the like all over it. Why I chose to wear this type of clothing to have my picture taken for a city newspaper is beyond me. I've never had much taste in the style department but at least these days I know what looks good on me and what doesn't. Back then I dressed to stand out, though not always in a good way. Anyway, Joe stopped by soon after and we walked to St. Philip Neri where we met up with Dar and Jesse.


I was relieved to see that nobody else had bothered to dress up for the event. Joe wore an Edgar Allen Poe shirt and his trademark fedora, Dar a white shirt with a smiley face tie, and Jesse a shirt even tackier than my own. We met with the photographer, a gruff old geezer named Gary Moore.

It seemed that Moore was under the impression that we would be dressed in costumes from our movies, and was vociferously disappointed by the fact that we weren't. In not so many words we told him to live with it. He gave us some pointers on how he wanted us to pose. When Shari arrived he complained to her about us not being in costumes. Shari told him to live with it and then led us to a brick wall behind the main building where we posed for about fifty pictures from which Moore would inevitably pick the worst ones.


I remember him telling us to "Get closer…CLOSER!” So we'd crowd together a little more, none of us too thrilled about being cheek to cheek. He yelled "CLOSER!" in that gruff, tobacco-stained voice of his and my immediate thought was that if we got any closer our atoms would mesh together, transforming us into some horrible mutated creature that would run amuck through the Midwest until eventually being brought down by the military.


When Moore was satisfied he went his merry way, his part in this grand tale done. Ironically, the caption under our photo in the newspaper reads: Mugging for the camera are (from left): Joe Devine, Jeremy Riley, Dar Parsons, and Jesse Handlon. Now, to set the record straight, there was no mugging involved, unless you count the part where I beat up Moore and took his wallet. Um, but you didn't hear that from me.


JESSE: I honestly believe that one of us should have taken the pictures, because Moore's finished work looked like crap. I thought it would've been cool if the pics showed us as a 'rock group' type. You know, all of us standing around in different positions, just trying to look cool. But all Moore seemed interested in was taking a bunch of pictures of us next to a brick wall. Shari even suggested that he get some snaps of us on the nearby playground. Our group liked the idea and we all started to go around and play on different things, swings, the slide, teeter-totter, etc. Moore reluctantly snapped away, mostly of us posing together on the slide. We gave our opinions on what we thought would be cool for the photos but lost out. I think the photographer resented us for not bringing costumes.


JOE: The pictures! That was fun! We did nothing right for the photographer. He wanted us really close together. We could not get close enough for that dude!


I don't remember picking out anything special to wear for this occasion. I just dressed for a normal day. When Jeremy and I arrived at St. Philip Neri, Jesse was waiting for us. Something wasn't right about him. That couldn't be Jesse. This fellow had his hair combed! Jesse would never do that! I never saw Jesse with his hair combed before.  And I never would again.


THE KING AND THE INTERVIEW


JESSE: After Mr. Photographer left for his cave to rest his weary head Shari decided to conduct the interview. She didn’t want to do it at St. Philip Neri, so Darren suggested Burger King. An unlikely place but it had food and drink and that's what mattered most.


JOE: The interview was supposed to take place in the school library, but it was too hot and the air conditioning unit was not on. So we ended up going to a more comfortable location.


JESSE: Darren's mind was probably where mine was: free grub! Shari suggested we all take her car. Darren said he would follow right behind us. We headed out and arrived at Burger King within minutes.


Shari picked a table near the back and we all gathered around. Darren started talking about his drawings and said that he and Jeremy were the artists in the group, to which I replied, "Being able to draw isn't the only thing that makes you an artist."


Shari reacted to this with a quick smile. Darren sheepishly conceded the point. Shari pulled out her trusty notebook and went to work. She started to ask us questions about our likes and dislikes. Jeremy and I gave her some truly wonderful answers. She gave us a look like “very interesting, but shut up.” She then had a long conversation with Darren about the movie 'Ghostbusters.'

Jeremy and I both felt the interview slipping away from us. It was apparent she had more of an interest in Darren and Joe. This was enforced by the fact that Jeremy and I got fewer and fewer questions sent our way. Jeremy (God bless him) didn't let this deter him. He would put in his two cents wherever he could. I also threw in wherever I could, which was far and in between.


The interview seemed to go on forever and I started to get bored. Finally, when I was about to enquire when we were going to get a free meal out of this whole deal Shari turned off the tape recorder and said her goodbyes. Darren walked her out to her car (he still thought he was going to get laid) while Joe, Jeremy, and I sat around and discussed the interview.

Darren came back in and said how impressed she was with us. I had to leave and get home. I was tired and I had to work later in the day. We went our separate ways. I walked home, suffering more through the extreme heat. I was an ocean of sweat by the time I reached my front door. I collapsed on the couch and fell into a quick, dreamless slumber.

THE ARTICLE:

MOVIE MAKERS

A bunch of 'Dips'
head to Touchstone

By SHARI L. FINNELL

The Indianapolis News/YEP

WHEN THE MOVIE "Ghostbusters II" came out in 1989 Joe Devine and Dar Parsons decided to make their own ghost trap. They took a fish tank, lined it with sheet metal, finished it off with a heat lamp and then turned it in for an 8th-grade science project.

"We figured that since ghosts were cold the heat would keep them in," Joe said with a laugh.

Their teacher wasn't impressed. He said it was nothing but a giant microwave and gave them a "D."

But they weren't discouraged. After watching "Weird Science" Dar tried to make a girl out of a Barbie doll. Using power cables. Then there was the "Back to the Future" project. Dar and Joe schemed about how they could get plutonium and build a flex capacitor for a time machine.

Eventually they gave up.

Now, five years later, they're at it again. This time around, though, they're making their own movies, on video.

Joe, 17, and Dar, 19, have teamed with Jesse Handlon, 18, and Jeremy Riley, 20, to form Dip Entertainment, which has produced a handful of short movies. One of Dar's movies, "Laugh A Little," was selected Best TV short feature in the Indiana Association of School Broadcasters annual contest this year.


And this fall, all four will put their movie-making talents to the test at the Center for the Recording Arts in Orlando, Fla., an academy sponsored by Touchstone Pictures. After a year, the students expect to earn specialized associates degrees.


Although "Laugh A Little" is a drama in the style of Charlie Chaplin movies, most Dip movies are gory. "'Laugh A Little' is about a guy who doesn't think he's funny," Dar said. "He's trying to find hope for himself."


Other Dip movies include "Blood Pudding" and "Vampire Thing." Blood Pudding is about a deformed man, who is abused by his father who dresses like his deceased wife and thinks he's her. The son later befriends "The Unicorn Boy," another deformed man who travels with a freak show.


"It's kind of a colorful red movie," Dar offered. "It's bloody. It has a lot to say about how people treat other people based on the way they look, instead of what's inside."


Joe added, "It's like the Hunchback Meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre."


Up until now, Dip Entertainment has had to improvise when making movies, most of which were filmed in their homes with small camcorders. They also have used Comcast's public access equipment and facilities. They've been creative with props, mixing corn syrup with red food coloring to make blood. And they have performed their own stunts, sometimes with unexpected results.


"In one Charlie Chaplin-like scene (during "Laugh A Little"), Jeremy and I were fighting," Dar said. "Suddenly, I didn't duck fast enough. Bam! I was knocked out cold."


After completing their one-year program at the academy, the four students expect to go their separate ways--at least for a while--before regrouping again as Dip. Their movie tastes vary widely. Jeremy, who acts, leans towards westerns like "A Fistful of Dollars." Jesse, who operates the camera, is into "weird and odd" films. Dar, who directs, acts and edits, prefers comedies, fantasies and melodramas.


"I can't get into horror that much. They bathed me in blood for one scene. When I look at the movie, I get queasy," he said.


And Joe, who writes scripts, directs and acts, likes "Weird out-of-the-way-type" movies.


But Dip Entertainment will continue to exist, they all said.


"It's going to stay. It will always be there and it will always expand," Dar said.

JEREMY: There you have it. Dar being the most charismatic member of our group naturally received the lion's share of attention in the article, as did Joe. I suppose it's only right, because, technically, they were the two who began the group. What struck me was that I talked as much as Dar and Joe and didn't receive one lousy quote; Jesse either, though he spoke less than any of us. And I love how we were categorized. Dar is a director, actor and editor. Joe a writer, director and actor. I'm just a lowly actor. And apparently Jesse's just a cinematographer.

As I recall (and recalled to Shari as well), I began in the group as a writer, graduated to acting, and was planning to direct my first feature soon. But I suppose Shari didn't have time to throw in: Jeremy, who writes, acts and plans to direct. I suppose I really shouldn't be bitter. I made the news; even made the front page (well, there's a small pic of our group 'mugging' in the upper right corner of the front page), which is more than my old man ever did.


JOE: The article was Darren's all the way. I got lumped in with him on stuff he did when he was a kid. Like the flux capacitor thing. That's right, he started telling Shari stories of things he did when he was a kid; things he did before he met any of us and I got lumped into some of that. I think he did that to make Shari laugh and get himself more comfortable. She liked it so much she put some of it into the article. As a result, Jesse, Jeremy, and I got very few questions. That suited me just fine. I've always liked to be behind the scenes more than in the spotlight. You know, "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!"


JEREMY: Ironically, I would receive the largest slice of attention in a follow up interview in a 1997 article for the Indianapolis Star. The beginning quote is even: Indianapolis screenwriter Jeremy Riley loves to make movies that keep audiences guessing. So POOM! Vindication! Though, sadly, Jesse not only gets stiffed yet again in the quote department but his last name is misspelled. Poor, dumb clod.


JESSE: I had to work the day the article came out. At the time Indianapolis had a morning paper and a nightly paper, The Indianapolis Star and The Indianapolis News. Our article was going to be in the latter. I went to work and bought four or five copies of it. I knew my parents would also have one at home. My Dad always got both papers. So, I just had to get a few for my friends. I showed it to everyone I worked with. They were all impressed (or at least they acted impressed) and one person asked for an autograph. I knew this person was being a smart ass so I signed it to 'my whore' (luckily for me no one can read my handwriting, including me).


The article got us a couple of looks from other people. In fact, it led to a movie offer I'll get into in another chapter. For now, however, we had ourselves an article and some movies to show around. We were on the top of our game and it felt good.



JEREMY'S SHOWDOWN


JEREMY: On the day our article came out Dar, Joe, and I met early in the morning and made our way over to the newspaper dispenser where we grabbed a handful of copies. We then headed to Marsh where we proudly distributed the papers to everyone we knew. Needless to say, we basked in all of the attention and praising. Swelling with pride, the three of us decided to take a walk and discuss the article as well as our future plans.

Well, we walked for hours (at least, it seemed like hours) and the temperature was just below cremation-level. As we crossed Christian Park near where I lived I decided to fall to my knees in the street with my arms raised to the heavens and cry out, "How much further must we go?" This was meant as a lark; just me goofing off in front of my friends, hoping to get a snicker out of them. But, as luck would have it, a car passed by at the exact moment I did this. It stopped halfway down the street, screeched around and started back.


I was at a loss as to why and then Joe said, rather worriedly, "I wish you hadn't done that, Jeremy." Then it hit me: The asshole thought my falling to my knees and yelling was aimed at him. Man, what an ego! But I didn't care, as I stated to Joe seconds before the car pulled up alongside me. My hand inched to the knife on the back of my belt and undid the clasp. If this asshole wanted a fight I'd give him one.

I saw that he was of the white trash variety, with a shaved head, wife beater T-shirt, and a lot of grime, which surrounded him almost like an aura. He cussed me out, wanting to know why I had mocked him. I said I had done nothing of the sort, my hand tightening on the haft of my knife all the while. Then, without warning, the guy pulled a gun on me.


That froze me for a second, but only a second. This wasn't the first time I'd stared at the muzzle of a gun, and I had a fifty-fifty chance that this dipstick was smart enough to realize he couldn't shoot me in a residential area with witnesses all around and get away with it. Odds were he was just trying to put the fear of God into me. But if he thought I was going to piss my pants and beg for mercy he had another thing coming. The first thing that ran through my mind was: If this is the end of your life, face it like a man. The second thing was: Dar and Joe are being awful quiet; how are they taking all of this?


I risked a look in their direction only to discover that they were no longer there. What the hell, did they abandon me? There were several large bushes along the walkway and I heard a twig snap behind the middle one. Realizing there would be no help from that department I eased my hand off the knife as I turned back to face Mr. Dipstick. I was literally out-gunned. My only chance would be negotiation.


"I don't need nobody fuckin' with me!" Mr. Dipstick drawled.

I coolly told him I wasn't 'fucking with him.'

"Yeah, well that's good, 'cause I don't want no trouble!"

I told him neither did I, that I had merely been goofing around with my friends.

 "A'ight then," the welfare-collecting, foodstamp-saving, wife-beating piece of trailer trash said. "'Cause I ain't lookin' for no trouble! I don't wanna have to use this!" He shook the gun at me as if I hadn't noticed it in his hand.

"Well, I don't want you to use it either," I said.

"Okay then." The reject from Deliverance then took off, burning rubber and trailing a cloud of exhaust fumes in his wake.


I heard rustling in the bushes behind me and turned to see Dar and Joe cautiously emerging from their hiding spot. Dar had a long, thin tree branch in his hand. His idea of a weapon, I surmised.


"What happened?" He asked.


"Where were you?" I shot back.

"What, did you think we were just going to stand there?" Joe said in his defense. I couldn’t really argue with that. The only thing that had allowed me to stand my ground was the very reason that I felt I was supposed to. Clint Eastwood always stood his ground against the baddies, as did Charles Bronson, Steve McQueen, and so on. Running had not been an option for me, though it surely would have been the wisest path.


"We would've helped you if we heard a gunshot," Dar quickly pointed out.


"If you’d heard a gunshot it would've been too late," I retorted.


We continued our walk in relative silence, the day sullied now with this unexpected and unwelcome intrusion. One thing I knew for sure, I had to get out of Indianapolis. I just had to.


JOE: I'm not proud of this episode. It was afterward that I realized what I had done. I had abandoned one of my friends. I, like Jeremy, place a high value on loyalty, integrity and standing by your friends; and here I was cowering behind some bushes. I've always felt Jeremy thought less of me after this incident. I hope that somehow I've regained whatever I lost. I swore I'd never do that again.  And I haven't.


JEREMY: You haven't lost anything, Joe. Like I said, you took the wisest path. Onward and upward.

NEXT: THE MOVIE OFFER